Name: Max  Channon

Organisation: Joshua & Dragonflies

Award Category: Inspirational Mother

Sponsored By:

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My Plea:

I’m Max, Mum-my to Imogen & Joshua, wife to Rich. I work part-time as an administrator & researcher for a charity consultancy firm, and run a charitable organisation in memory of our little boy.

Joshua was born via an emergency c-section 14 weeks prematurely at 26.1 weeks weighing 920g following a placental abruption on 28 April 2016. The surgery was far from straight forward requiring a ‘J-Cut’ incision to reach Joshua’s head which was tangled up in my then twisted uterus. He had a small bleed on the brain (a grade 1 Intraventricular Haemorrhage) shortly after birth but the immediate outlook was optimistic. Unfortunately, 24 hours later he had additional bleeding which was determined as a grade 4 IVH and he was given less than 5% chance of survival. We had to make the heart-breaking decision to withdraw care. The next 48 hours disappeared in a post-surgery drug induced blur of pain, tears, and heartbreak.

Joshua was initially buried at Hollybrook Cemetery in Southampton on 31 May 2016. After 2 years, 3 headstones and countless hours discussing the lack of upkeep of the baby garden with the council we were forced to make the decision to have him exhumed, cremated and brought home. This was undoubtedly the hardest decision we have had to make since his death, and is not something we did lightly. We held a second funeral for him exactly 2 years later with just his God-parents by our sides. Joshua is now in a memory bear at home and in the mix of family life with us. He gets dressed in outfits, dragged around by his sister, comes on family trips with us, thrown down slides and bounced on trampolines. He has even been dropped from a moving steam train. We are an unconventional family of 4, but we are doing our best to live life to the fullest.

Joshua is a little brother to our daughter Imogen who was also born prematurely at 31.6 weeks and enjoyed a 1 month stay in NICU before coming home with a nasogastric tube. She was 22 months old when Joshua was born and is now a happy healthy 5-year-old Diva. She is very aware of her brother and talks about him often. It was mine and my husband’s belief that we should be honest with her about Joshua, even at the tender age of 22 months. As she has grown, we have continued to talk about him and include him in our lives, answering her questions with nothing but honesty.

Being a Mum-my to 2 children, one who is dead, is a scenario I simply couldn’t have imagined, and even now I still find surreal. We are 3 years on from Joshua’s death and I still feel like one day I will wake up and find it’s all a nightmare. Parenting Imogen through loss has been the greatest challenge, and I am constantly questioning my ability. I fight the guilt of not being able to enjoy these young years as much as I should, because every memory is tinged with ‘it shouldn’t be this way’. During my pregnancy with Joshua we were renovating our house to accommodate our new family of 4, and the associated stress (combined with parenting Imogen), meant I battled to find the time I wanted for Joshua in the months following his death.

My grief was instantaneous. I have faced it head on in all its extremes, and while some moments have been downright ugly, I have always tried to be truthful to myself for the benefit of my family and my own healing. There have been many external factors over the past 3 years which have negatively contributed to our lives after loss, all of which we have navigated and survived.

Imogen & Joshua’s Dad-dy and I got married on 6 May 2012 amidst an array of emotion and grief, as my Mum-my died on our Wedding Day. This was the same Sunday on May Bank Holiday weekend that Joshua died 4 years later.

Joshua has changed everything and opened so many doors. His death has introduced me to many wonderful people, some of whom will be life long friends. He has inspired me to stand up in-front of healthcare professionals and share our story in the hope that the care received by future families will be the best it can be. I have been fortunate enough to be part of the National Bereavement Care Pathway (on the parent panel) which has led me to stand alongside MPs including Antionette Sandbach and Will Quince, as well as Sands CEO Dr. Clea Harmer, in Parliament Buildings to talk about Joshua.

I have completed two 100-mile bike rides because of him, raising £3,500 for Joshua & Dragonflies which enabled us to renovate and provide the NICU at Princess Anne Hospital, Southampton with homely touches. I have also raised £3,000 for Remember My Baby & Bliss in the past 2 years, although I didn’t complete my 3rd consecutive century bike ride this year due to a high speed crash which knocked me unconscious and left me very battered and bruised.

Initially after Joshua’s death I did not realise the importance of self-care following the loss of a child but this is something I now feel passionate about. I want to help others ensure they find the time for themselves and their grief no matter their circumstances. Joshua and Dragonflies aims to provide loss parents with self-care boxes, containing some tools to help process grief and establish a new normal.

I have received many heart-warming comments and messages over the years admiring my strength, honesty, and vulnerability, which have truly been a huge support to me. It is immensely humbling to be termed as ‘inspirational’, but all I am trying to do is live life after loss by documenting my life in all its glory and gore, in the hope that it brings some comfort and healing to others.

What Others Have Said

“Max inspires me through her generosity of time. She checks on others, supporting them through their lows and celebrating the highs. Max thinks not only of emotional care, but also the physical impact grief has on a bereaved parent. Through her kindness I received a Joshua & Dragonflies (self-care) box and within it I was given tools to aid my sleep, bring me comfort and nurture myself. I can wholeheartedly say that Max has made an enormous impact in my life and I am so thankful our two little angels have bought us together.”

“If they ever do superhero day at school then Imogen needs to dress as you; there is no bigger hero out there for her to aspire to xxx”

” I don’t even know what to say about Max! She was one of the first people to reach out to me. I was in such a bad place and she made me feel less alone in the world. I know she has done the same for others. She has recently started making self care packages to send to parents that have lost their baby. She does an amazing job fundraising for Remember My Baby. She speaks out so honestly and she is such an inspiration. ”